Eliminate all subversives

Dash Fire Diaries
2 min readJan 12, 2023


September 8th, 1917

Diary of Major Horace S. Browntrout

We have fled further into the mountains to avoid capture. We parted ways with the Optimistic Bandits, who have decided to flee into Russia where they think they will have better lives as a result of the Revolution. We gave them a few rounds of ammunition and wished them the best, but we don’t think they will get far. Perhaps we are wrong. We are hearing that civil disorder and chaos is spreading through towns and villages throughout the Austro-Hungarian Empire, and army units are rife with mutinies and suspected uprisings.

We live like bandits ourselves, sneaking into small villages and farms, sleeping in haylofts, stealing bags of flour to make bread. We would be much better off if we could just find some bicycles somewhere. We have been leading Noodles (Captain Wolf’s warcorn) around by a rope. Noodles still seemed dazed, docile and willing to go along with us. Roosevelt has practiced riding him several times and the steed seems agreeable to it. We are all agog to see the ex-president of the United States astride a unicorn that is dressed for battle, but this war has drastically moved our expectations for what war is.

May 15th, 1918

Military communique from Feldmarschall (Field Marshall) Friedrich von Dusselburg to Oberst (Colonel) Moritz Bauer, 45. k.u.k. Tiroler Berittene Einhornbrigade (Imperial and Royal Tyrolean Mounted Unicorn Brigade)

This order applies to all branches of the Einhornwaffe, except for the Sondereinsatzbrigade Alpeneinhorn, which are already dedicated to home defense. Effective immediately, all brigades will cease offensive activities beyond the Siegfried Position and withdraw south of the Danube and east of Speicher Finstertal. Your orders are to protect Schönbrunn Palace, Alpenwald Castle, the mountain garrisons and the cities of Vienna and Innsbruck. You are now promoted to the rank of Generalmajor and your command includes all remaining Einhornwaffe brigades.

June 18th, 1918

Military communique from Generalmajor Moritz Bauer, Commanding Officer, k.u.k. Tiroler Einhornwaffe V Corp (Imperial and Royal Tyrolean Mounted Unicorn Brigade)

Brigade officers are to take whatever measures are necessary to maintain order within the ranks. Continue patrols. Eliminate all subversives. Ensure prisoners receive proper treatment. Expect infrequent resupply. Continue on half-rations until further notice. Requisition supplies from local population as needed, but compensate them for any losses.

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Dash Fire Diaries

Envisioning a past that never was. Step through a surreal portal where objective truth, imagined history and satirical fiction coexist.