Burn after reading…or eat it!
August 14th, 1917.
Field Operation Instructions (a.k.a. “orders”) to Major Horace S. Browntrout from Brigadier General Mac Allan Macaby, “Mac the Body Stacker.” CLASSIFIED: Most Secret
After you have assembled your unit and equipage you will board His Majesty’s Airship Number 21 (Zeta), which will insert your platoon in a remote area outside of Innsbruck, Tyrol, Austria. Your priorities are three-fold. Highest priority: Locate the source and origin of the Austrian unicorns and find a method of permanently preventing them from breeding. Second priority: destroy as many unicorns and unicorn (Einhornwaffe) operations and support facilities as possible. Third priority: Determine the whereabouts and final disposition of the men of Her Majesty’s 51st, 67th and 231st Anti-Unicorn Brigades. If feasible, eliminate the leadership of the Einhornwaffe program. Carry out this last order only if and when all other objectives have been attained. Terminate with extreme prejudice. Carry out your orders in the manner best befitting the needs and circumstances of the unit. Exercise prudence, taking reasonable precautions to ensue self-preservation. Our inside contacts behind enemy lines will find you and bring you additional supplies and intelligence, when possible. The watchword is: “tube steak.” If you are captured, you are to say only that you were on your way to the front when you got a bit lost and you thought you were still in France. Your authority over the men is absolute. If anyone disobeys an order, shoot them. Captain Theodore Roosevelt is second in command. If anything happens to you, he is in charge. Under no circumstances are you authorized to let anything happen to you. God be with you. Burn this after reading. Or eat it. Or dissolve it in acid. Or blow it up with a Mills Bomb….for God’s sake not whilst on His Majesty’s Airship. God be with you and your entire team. The outcome of the war is in your hands. Carry on!
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