An opened hand or a closed fist

June 6th, 1917

Letter from United States Secretary of War Newton D. Baker

To President Woodrow Wilson

Mr. President, it seems we were completely wrong about the Saysquack’s fighting capabilities and usefulness to the war effort. Recent British victories in Belgium using Saysquack forces have been overwhelmingly decisive. I recommend we raise at least three battalions and initiate the creation of the American Saysquack Expeditionary Force (ASEF). Though a complete census has not been taken, the Saysquack population is estimated to be roughly 50,000–90,000. Of these, 25,000 are believed to meet the requirements of the Selective Service. Technically, they may not be conscripted under current law because they are not considered U.S. citizens. However, if you were to sign an emergency executive order we could override Congress and begin enlistment in a matter of days.

The matter is complicated somewhat by the general intransigence of the Saysquacks as a species, and their reluctance to join the fight. The British have promised the Saysquacks in their ranks a homeland or colony (New Quackland) upon the successful completion of their service and a victorious outcome of the war. Adding to the fact that we have no incentives (as yet) to offer is the fact that some religious leaders are outspoken in the defense of the proposed “Saysquack exemption” to military service, arguing that their childlike dispositions and Edenic state do not adequately fit them for the rigors of war. Of course, this has proven not to be the case.

The fighting abilities of the Saysquack are too valuable to squander. We can circumvent all religious and moral objections with the argument that our best military planners have put forward: namely that for every Saysquack death in the field, at least five American lives will be saved. My recommendation is that mandatory service be imposed before the issue can be further conflated in the press, and that the enlistment process begin with all due haste.

June 8th, 1917

Letter from President Woodrow Wilson to United States Secretary of War Newton D. Baker

I have written the emergency executive order for the mandatory enlistment of the Saysquack and sent it to you for review. We may raise the number of inductees if it is later determined that more Saysquacks are eligible for service than previously estimated. We will not be offering them a homeland — something they already have. I will offer what I am calling an “open hand and closed fist” policy of engagement on the issue. On the one hand, quick and ready compliance with enlistment quotas will net the Saysquacks food aid and annuities. We will also respect their homeland, by creating a Saysquack Domestic Zone — borders ringed by a large fence around the Olympic Peninsula. This will serve the dual purpose of protecting them from the mining and timber interests while also keeping them in one location where they can be more easily managed. On the other hand, failure to comply will be met with lengthy prison terms and mass-removal to “educational villages” co-managed by religious and military leaders, to instruct the Saysquack in the benefits of the American way of life. I have signed another executive order which states that religious leaders and members of the press who publish anti-war, pacifist views — especially those pertaining to the Saysquack — can be charged with sedition and have their publications seized as evidence. This order will take effect at the same time as the Saysquack Conscription Executive Order.

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